c.o.u.n.t.i.n.g

counting days 2 hari raya celebration..
just one week left..
only 4 days more to go to work b4 leave..

but, 4 me..i feel nothing
not excited like others
dun know y but maybe bcoz getting older
huh..so sad

i dun know but, deep indise my heart i don want 2 celebrate raya
bcoz i dun want to meet people
dun want 2 meet relatives, frenz and all
if i have a lot of money, i'll ask my asben to go for holiday during hari raya
but, i am not sure whether i can do that bcoz i still have parent n siblings

d main reason is bcoz i am childless
this coming OCT me n asben will celebrate our 3rd anniversary
yeah..3 years already n we still dun have any children
me n asben accept this as this is from GOD
HE know what is good 4 us..
maybe this is not d right time yet
 
but, i dun want to meet others bcoz i am sick of them asking me how many children i have
i am sick when all of them used 2 share their children stories..
i am sick all of that..

not only @ home..
in fact there was a person asking me about children at graveyard
tell me how should i react to her..

i am sick of keep smiling n answer the question with,

takde anak..
belum lagi..
belum ada anak lagi..
belum ada rezeki lagi..

come on..
could anybody tell me until when should i answer this question..

i am too tired..
give me some space 2 live up life happily..
dun treat me as handicap just bcoz i am childless..

Please give me strenght to go through all these situation..