i.t.s.o.v.e.r

yesterday was my last session 4 london. after 4 months of getting treatment i only managed 2 reduce 5 kilos. not really satisfied wt that achievement. anyway, i know, d mistakes and failure is coming from me. y? bcoz i tend 2 eat a lot when i want. so, it's quite difficult 2 reduce my weight. anyway, eventhough only 5 kilos, at least i can wear my old days jeans. heheh. i'm so proud of my self.

last time when i go back 2 my hometown, i was looking 4 my jeans and i manage to wear it. after almost 9 years, i can wear it again..yes bebeh..no joke okeh.

after this, i have 2 control my meals. otherwise, i cannot maintain this figure anymore. i've no ideas whether i can manage it or not..

aritu g ngk pesta perkahwinan kt PICC. tp, dh terlewat. bnyk stall yg dh nak tutup. tk sempat nak layan betul2. terkilan gak lah..tapi takper, ms kat kg aritu aku dh berjaya memandikan my lovely hubby. lama dah tak mandikan dia. berpeluh gak lah. heheh.

t.h.a.n.k.g.o.d

syukur..atas ehsan yang diberikan pada aku slama nih. aku bersyukur sangat2 pada Nya yang mempermudahkan jalan idup aku dalam bnyk perkara. Dia yang slalu mendengar setiap doaku ini. cuma, yang satu tu belum lagi aku peroleh hingga ke hari ini. namun, aku tak pernah jemu meminta hanya dari Nya kerna aku yakin Dia maha mengetahui yg terbaik buatku..

sejak bermulanya hari aku pagi td pun, aku tak lupa berdoa moga Dia permudahkan segala ibadahku & lindungi aku dari kecuaian yg mana akan memudaratkan insan lain dlm tugasanku. Dan syukur atas kurniaan Nya yang mempermudahkan urusan ku sejak pagi tadi. semoga Dia sentiasa merahmati perjalanan hidupku. moga ku tak lupa pada Dia yang Satu..

smlm, aku plan nk g wedding member tp tak jd g sbb tkde org nak temankan aku. aku tk salahkan sesiapa pun dlm hal nih. aku cuba memahami setiap org disekeliling, masing2 ada komitmen dan tak semestinya apa yg kita rancangkan akan jadi kenyataan.

"Sesungguhnya kita dan Dia sama2 merancang, namun sebaik- baik perancangan adalah dari Nya"

m.a.r.a.h

perasaan MARAH..

"sesungguhnya kemarahan itu bermula dari kebodohan dan berakhir dengan penyesalan"

ayat nih aku dgr lama dah dulu. sbb tu aku cuba rasional seboleh mungkin. as sociologist, setiap yg berlaku dlm society dikira normal. we have 2 accept everything that happened bcoz nothing is happening withoud good reason. yup. i admit it.

cuma, terkadang akal waras ku menentang apa yg berlaku depan mata. bilamana orang pertikaikan apa yg aku lakukan, apa yg aku perkatakan..sedangkan itu semua lahir dari dalam diri ku. telah aku cuba menjadi yg terbaik utk diri sendiri dan utk mereka yg berada disekeliling tapi, lumrah manusia. lupa bersyukur dgn apa yg ada, tak pernah puas dgn diri sendiri. sudahnya, aku senang berdiam diri membiarkan apa yg berlaku agar terus berlalu..

t.h.a.n.k.g.o.d

alhamdulillah..aku balik putrajaya ngn rasa tenang. mak dh ok skit lps apa yg berlaku last friday. mcm tk caya sbnrnya, mak sendiri yg request utk dibawa ke hospital. mayb dh tk larat sgt. b4 this, penat dh we all advise suh g hospital tp dia tkmo.

last friday, adik bw mak g spital ngn si abang. aku mmg rasa frust sesangat sbb tk mampu nak bersama2 ngn they all masa tu. adik msg aku pagi tu, mintak aku amik half day sbb nk bwk mak g spital. tp aku tk mampu sbb aku masih ada keje yg perlu dibereskan. KP nk jmpa aku pkl 3pm. aku takleh nk blk. so, aku tipon si abang, suh dia temankan adik bwk mak. aku pun, settle jer urusan ngn KP, terus shoot blk kg. aku plan nk terus g spital. on d way, adik msg, bgtau mak dh ok n dh bule balik. so, aku terus out kat Pedas n balik kg. aku tgu they all kt umah. aku smpi awal tp tkleh masuk umah sbb takde kunci. sudahnya aku siap tertido kat kusyen luar umah sbb tgu they all smpi..adik bgtau, dktor masukkan air dlm badan mak. tu yg buat mak okey semula. aku bersyukur sgt mak tkyah duk wad. mak pun dh semakin ok. dh bule makan. aku pun mmg spend ms kt umah ngn masak. drp celik mata smpi mata tertutup semula, mmg dapur tu aku yg punya. klu sblm nih, breakfast mmg aku tk buat sbb aku slalu bgn tido lambat, kali nih tak dah. aku buat semua okeh..mcm tk caya jer aku nih.

spnjg masa mak sakit nih, dh bnyk kali aku guna kuasa veto kt adik2 aku. really sori aa my bro & sis. akak mu ini tkde pilihan. aku slalu msg si abang suh dia belikan apa2 jer yg aku rasa terbaik utk mak. carikan ubat ker, belikan makanan ker..sbb dia yg paling hampir ngn mak. adik plak, aku paksa dia amik cuti n balik kg jaga mak. sudahnya, last thursday n friday dia cuti. bila jadi gini, baru aku tau, ada hikmahnya adik jadi kerani. even SPM dia tk baik mana, tp dia lah yg bole diharap nak jaga mak. nak harapkan aku @ si abang, payah sbb komitmen keje. klu dulu aku n abang pernah blame adik sbb result SPM nyer yang tk seberapa, skrg tak lagi. sbb result dia camtu lah dia bule tlg mak n bawak ma g spital aritu. aku mmg tk harapkan akak @ along sbb memasing dh ada family.. mak pun, bila adik ada baru dia nak g spital. dia pun ada bgtau, dia confident ngn adik sbb adik pernah keje kt klinik sblm nih. kira dlm family aku skrg, adik nih doktor family lah. pakar rujuk. klu ada sesaper yg ada musykil pasal ubat, mmg akan refer kat dia. heheh..hebat kan si adik..

so aku harap moga kesihatan mak akan bertambah baik. baru sume akan tenang. masa mak sakit, abah lah yg paling tk tenang. dia slalu amik cuti sbb risaukan mak. klu g keje pun, slalu balik awal.(mak citer nih, semalam) sian kat abah. aku tau, abah sayang betul kat mak walaupun dia tak pernah confess. biasalah lelaki. ego lebih..heheh..bila mak sakit, nmpk betul abah caring kt mak. bertuah mak dpt husband macam abah. camne aku nanti eh? klu aku sakit, ada org nak jaga ker? ntah. aku tkleh nk imagine future aku camner lah..

r.e.n.u.n.g.a.n

last 2 days aku attend kursus kat IKIM jalan Duta. Kursus Penstrukturan Semula Organisasi. Hebat eh tajuk dia. aku pun ter'eksiden' jer g. sebabnya kena ganti bos aku yg bercuti. tapi, aku tak rasa rugi. bnyk input yg aku peroleh dr kursus tu. even ms berkursus aku rasa kerdil sgt sbb sume peserta adalah bosses. pangkat JUSA lah kiranya. ada tittle Dato' Datin..ada Pengarah, ada Timbalan Pengarah even ada CEO. klu nak banding ngn aku, Ketua Unit..heheh, jauh sesangat. tp, tak kisah lah. sume nyer baik2. tak sombong. enjoy lah kursus tu. dlm bebanyak mende yg dibincangkan, aku tertarik sgt ngn ayat kat bawah nih;

" Tidak akan berganjak kedua kaki seorang hamba pada hari kiamat
melainkan ditanya dahulu tentang empat perkara; tentang umurnya
dan untuk apa dihabiskan, masa mudanya bagaimana ia mempergunakannya,
hartanya dari mana ia memperolehnya dan untuk apa ia membelanjakannya
dan tentang ilmunya bagaimana ia manfaatkannya"

c.o.u.r.s.e

i'm at home rite now. just coming back from work. i'm trying 2 set up my mind for course tomorrow. i've 2 attend course at IKIM at Jalan Duta 4 2 days. tomorrow & d day after tomorrow. quite long time i'm not driving 2 KL. last time during my induction course in august last year. so, i've 2 wake up early next morning otherwise i could not reach there by 8am.

ptg td, i've called my mom. she's still not well yet. dun know what 2 do. just asked her 2 take medicine & careful bout d food taken. i'm so excited 2 wait 4 weekend. i wanna go home 2 see my mom.

one more, it's quite a long time i did not write about him. my complicated man. ekcely, he made me upset lately. almost 2 week i did not seen him. last 2 week, he promised 2 meet me but he couldn't bcoz he was involved in accident. really sorry 4 him n thank 2 God, he safe with slightly pain. last week, he promised me 2 meet me but, again he failed 2 turn up. d reason is, raining. he promised me a day before. when i called him and asked about it, he said he was not sure yet n it depend on weather. i dun want 2 argue bout that. just kept silence like no heart feeling. but, i'm really mad at him. i can't accept anybody who break promise even 4 smallest thing. if u said that u want 2 do somehing, u have to do that. otherwise, do not make a promise at all.

he came 2 see me today & we go 4 lunch. he brought me a supplement n set of lingerie. it's quite expensive. RM230 for ligerie & rm115 for supplement. even he lend me money. really thanks 2 him. he so concious bout me. he spend a lot 4 me. i know that he so good 4 me. that's why i'm always try my best to be very kind to him. i dun want 2 involve in any conflict with him. but, sometimes my heart told me that i'm fed up wt him when he make me upset..

t.k.d.e.f.e.e.l

aku takde feel lah arini. not bcoz of monday blues but, aku risaukan mak. macam tkmo g keje, pastu nk blk kg. tp tkleh. keje bnyk giler. pastu rabu n kamis nih kena g kursus kt IKIM, jln. duta plak. aku tak sabar nk tgu ari sabtu. aku nk blk kg. biar blm gaji pun, aku nk blk gak. mmg aku risau sesangat kt mak aku. every day aku call, tnya kabar mak. suara mak pun tk mcm biasa. aku tau mak tk okey even dia kata dia ok. aku tau, dia tkmo aku risau.

smlm, aku br abis kursus kt ESSET Bangi. pkl 3pm baru smpi umah. aku mcm tk ikhlas jer g kursus tu sbbnyer aku risaukan mak. klu tkde kursus, confirm aku dh blk kg masa weekend utk tgk mak. udah ler ari jumaat aritu aku dh ada kt Port Dickson. mmg dh half way nk blk kg dah. mujur aku leh pk rasional. aku harap sgt agar mak cepat2 sihat.

s.u.m.m.o.n.s

summons. yup. aku dah kena saman. pepagi td lagi aku dh terpacak kt balai polis tu semata2 mau membayar saman. tengkiu kt adik yg sudi temankan aku. aku tak reti sgt lah area putrajaya nih. sudahnya dia 'pau' aku nak muffin kenny rogers 6 bijik okeh. abis lah duit aku. aku disaman ari senin aritu. tpt bersejarahnya kat jln alamanda. sbb nyer, aku memakirkan kereta aku kt tepi jalan. aku malas nak masuk parking sbb nk g jap jer. niat aku baik ms tu, just nak carikan ubat utk mak. tp, ubat yg dicari tu takde, aku plak kena saman.

masa kt kaunter saman pg td, aku siap tanya minah polis tu lagi, " kalu saya settlekan saman nih arini, surat saman akan smpi kt umah tak?" "tak lah. jgn risau, ni kira settle dah nih. bayar rm30 jer" kata minah polis traffic tu. lega nyer aku. bkn sbb kena byr rm30 okeh, tp sbb surat tak di antar kt umah. serius aku wisau klu2 abah jmpa surat saman aku. confirm dpt ceramah free pastu siap kena marah okeh. abah aku tu kan ex-soldier with full of dicipline. dia takleh n tk suka kalu anak2 dia ada yg melanggar peraturan ker. even klu kt umah, takleh ada sampah2 berteraburan okeh. even sehelai tisu. klu dia jmpa, siap aa sume kena marah. kesannya, aku dh terdisiplin skrg.alhamdulillah. siap jd AJK disiplin eh kt asrama dulu..jgn tak caya. thanks utk abah yg berjaya mendidik kami sume.

kesihatan mak pula, alhamdulillah. dh ok skit. mlm td aku call, dgr suara mak mcm dh better compare ngn tghari smlm.

esok, aku kena g Port Dickson. ada bengkel PTK kt sana smpi jumaat. pastu, ptg jumaat plak kena g bengkel PTK MOA kat Bangi. smpi ahad plak tuh. tensi okeh, takleh rilek2 weekend nih. takleh layan hallmark channel. tp, takper aa. aku kena mensabarkan diri. nanti bila keadaan dh reda (macam ujan plak), aku nk amik cuti aa..nak blk kg lagi. mcm tk puas blk kg aritu.

s.a.y.u

i'm just coming back from my hometown. really glad dpt spend time wt family especially my mom. ekcely, my mom tak sihat sgt. br baik dr demam. batuk masih serius. aku ajak mak g klinik, tp dia tkmo. so, aku belikan ubat batuk kat guardian jer. aku mmg berharap sgt mak sihat spt sediakala. aku tak smpi ati tgk mak sakit. klu bule aku nak kesakitan mak tu dipindahkan pada aku. badan mak pun makin susut. bila aku suh mak makan, katanya takde selera. aku tktau nak wat camner. aku mmg rasa sayu sgt. pg td, rasa mcm berat ati sgt nk tinggalkan mak. rasa tkmo blk. but, i can't do that.

smlm, aku bwk mak g buat check up. suprisingly, mak nyer heart beat really slow. only 60. so, kesannya mak takleh stress. klu idak, maybe akan memudaratkan mak. itu ayat yg aku dgr ms check up tu lah. so, immediately aku terpikir, apakah aku punca mak jd gini? aku takut kalu2 mak terlalu pikirkan pasal aku. aku tkmo somethin bad happen 2 her. mak pernah dimasukkan ke hospital dulu sbb stress. aku tkmo mende tu terjadi lagi..sebetulnya mmg hati aku tk tenang. rasa macam nk blk kg, nak jaga mak smpi mak betul2 sihat. tapi, takleh nyer..

buat abah, hepi besday. arini besday abah. moga mak & abah dipanjangkan umur & diberikan nikmat kesihatan oleh-Nya.amin

m.y.m.a.n.i.n.h.i.s.t.o.r.y

9 tahun yg lalu pd tarikh yg sama;

aku : abang, hepi besday..
dia : thanks, awak ingat besday saya yer.
aku : tak lupa nyer smpi bila2..

yup, till today i still remember his besday. so, happy besday to u my man in history. aku tk pernah lupa sebeday dia cuma aku dh tk berpeluang utk wish him like before. hopefully, dia bahagia selamanya.

smlm, ada promotion utk magazines subscription. so, i was interested to subscribe. my reason is, i enjoy in reading & also to get extra rebat 4 my income tax since my salary is at d level of eligible 4 income tax. hehehe. starting this year i've 2 declare income tax okeh. even it is one kind of jariah 4 development of d country but, it will affect my income & expenditure okeh. d frustrated situation was when i told him bout d subscribtion n he said "membazirlah awak nih". oh, my god. i don't expect that kind of word coming from him. why he said that one as pembaziran? sedangkan i've spent a lot 4 my maintenance. only RM399 compared to my London which i spent almost RM1700..one more thing, i didn't ask for his money. i use my own okeh..never mind lah. i'm sick of fighting even 4 smallest reason. just kept silence n go on wt own life..sometimes we cannot please others.

s.e.n.g.a.l

sengal aku nih eh? naper? yelah, aku tk prasan langsung yg sebeday aku tahun nih dlm bln ramadhan. udah tu? camner mau tunang waktu sebeday? jimat mmg sesangat ler sbb tkyah jamu org mamam tp, klu nk terasa menerima kutukan maha hebat, dipersilakan. psl date tu pun mujur mamat complicated tu bgtau. klu idak, smpi sudah aku tk prasan. so, aku try suggest date baru, 1st of august. tp, mamat tu diam jer. no komen. aku pun malas nak mencetuskan isu, just keep silent lah. kang gaduh lagi. i'm exhausted 2 fight again n again bout this matter.

aku berserah pd takdir jer. klu ada rezeki aku, dptlah tunang masa tu nnti. klu idak, just accept. not 2 say aku tk usaha okeh. i've try my best but at last, it depend on our partner. if only one side yg bersungguh, it doesn't work at all. klu dia tkmo, aku nak tunang ngn saper? ngn mawi bule? hehehe.

even my parent didn't say anything bout this anymore. i know they already upset wt me. d very stubborn daughter that they have. 4 them, i'm not serious in planning my future. but, they don't realize that this involved 3rd party. how could i say 2 them? i've no idea at all..

last saturday, i had a meeting wt tuition centre. guess what? i'll become one of teacher 4 d centre. actually what is d reason 2 become a teacher? in fact, i hate this job before. d only reason that i've rite now, i want 2 get extra money (of course 4 wedding purposes) & i like 2 share my knowledge wt students. i enjoy when dealing wt education,e.g getting knowledge, do homework n seeing others get success. i realized this when i feel so happy when i can help my sister in doin her assignment. so, i'm really hope that i will enjoy wt my new profession bebeh..mcm nk quit from gomen eh? no lah. teacher only as part time job okeh. i luv my job with fisheries wt full of heart even i've less time 4 my self. guess what, after 6 months of working here, i'm glad that my bosses never scold me..so, i'm really hope that this situation will last long..hehehe